Walmart

Today, I felt like I was going to lose my shit all day. I didn't have to go to school today, thank god. I was lazy around the house for the most part, did a little bit of homework since time is running short and went to the gym in the evening. After the gym, I went by Walmart where I thought I was going to lose it. The usual... 20 registers with 2 open. I was at the self-check out. A cashier comes over and starts looking over my shoulder, telling me how to do it. Did I ask for help? Do I look incompetent? Go harass someone else or better yet, OPEN ANOTHER FUCKING REGISTER!!! I inform her that this is why people don't want to shop at Walmart..no registers open! Why? She backed away slowly. I know it wasn't her fault, but don't exacerbate the situation by slowing me down. I already had 10 people behind me backed up due to the 85 year-old man that was in front of me. Is it like this everywhere or just the South? These are the days that I feel like I can't "civilian." I think about the unit I retired from and the stupidity that went on there... but at least we share similar behaviors. Everyone survived my Walmart excursion. I have a lot to work on as far as patience goes. It's going to be a long road ahead..

Soul searching...

Another day has passed and I've almost made it through. I'm so close to the end of the semester I can almost taste it! I'm surrounded by priviliged, millennial children that have no idea how easy they have it. No, I do not have any student loans like some of these kids, but I think the pledge of my life in the army for over 20 years is a pretty even exchange. If I didn't have the Post 9/11 GI Bill or Vocational Rehabilitation to pay for school, I doubt I would have ever gone back. I'm sure I have marketable skills and I know I have a variety of experience, but nothing like when you have that piece of paper in hand that says you've been formally trained by a top-notch school. I look at my culinary degree often,  staring at the details, wondering if I'll see anything new about it each time. I'm very careful with it as though it can be taken away at any moment; Same with my retirement orders. It's kind of funny, I have all of my medals and awards from over the years in a big box, crammed in my storage unit and before that the box was buried in a closet in a spare bedroom. I've never really looked at them much. I didn't really feel worthy when I received each one and that's not why I served anyway. I served because I felt like I belonged around the people I served with. It was my comfort zone. Now I'm outside that comfort zone. Effective, 25 Feb 2016, I became a "gray area retiree" in the retired reserve. I miss my people so much sometimes it hurts. I have the memories of multiple deployments where we spent every waking minute together, laughing, arguing, eating, shitting and sometimes crying together. Then, I have the memories of working at the infamous flight facility at MMT. I think I experienced almost every emotion there is working there. Who would've thought that aircraft maintenance would be so emotional? It is!

Soon, very soon

I'm a transitioning veteran, student, mom etc., I'm down to my last two terms in school before I graduate and I'm really burned out now. I hate every morning waking up knowing there's nothing I really look forward to. I recently retired, but I left my full-time position 2 years ago this coming July to obtain my culinary degree and now that I have that, I'm working on my entrepreneurship degree. I hope to buy a food truck some time in the near future. Honestly, I don't even want to think about it right now. This blog will serve as a virtual diary/journal in the meantime.

In just a couple of weeks, I'll be headed west to California for a cook position I applied for at a rustic resort in the Sequoia National Forest. I'm really excited about a change and meeting new people. I'm a little scared and nervous just because it's different and a general fear of the unknown. I felt the need to escape from the east coast and see what I can make happen somewhere else. Sometimes, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I really don't know where I want to be or exactly what I want to do. I really want to take this time to soul search and be around a new group of people in a new environment. I feel like the energy in a new place is what I need and will breathe new life into the hum drum day to day that I'm in now. I'll leave it at that for right now. It's getting late and my brain is turning to mush.